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When ripping off the bandaid isn't enough...

Writer's picture: jordana weinbergjordana weinberg

Dear Mommy,


Hey guys! Im back. Its been a few weeks and I finally decided on how to approach this next topic. I was feeling a little off- like I didn’t have much to share, couldn’t pinpoint a single topic I wanted to focus on. So I took the last few weeks to lay low, keep grinding, and waiting for the perfect topic to rise through.

Lately I’ve been having this feeling that I’m just counting down the hours. I wake up, I workout, I eat, I train, I watch Netflix (currently Arrow), train some more, eat lunch, train again, dinner or something, Netflix/read, and then sleep. Sprinkle a few dates in here and there. A few social circles reuniting after months. But otherwise, from 6/630am-10/1030pm, I’ve had this feeling that I’m simply going through the motions.

Don’t get me wrong. Im working hard. Like super hard. Like working my ass off hard. I write my training plans for my clients. I remind them to keep progressing. Keep on the train and pushing forward. Im working out myself 5-6 days a week. Practicing and improving on my new hobby, carving around on my longboard. And the weather has been overall fantastic for this time of year.


Its this feeling of counting the hours from one thing to the next. Placing fillers within my free time, and continuing counting down until I get to go back to sleep.


Over the last couple of years, I’ve worked on trying to pinpoint the reason, find the source of the feeling, not just bandaid it up. Thank you therapy. You taught me well. We spend so much of our lives simply putting a bandaid on one habit or sector of our lives, rip it off, and reapply to a new area. Im trying to change that process within my own lifestyle.


Life certainly has its up and downs. It is the greatest form of simply understand the phrase, ‘riding the wave’. We are motivated. We are committed and dedicated. Then we are not. We get lazy, unmotivated, tired, busy etc. So after these last 3 weeks of recognizing what I was feeling and trying to understand the why, I can finally reshape my mentality.


The most important thing for me though has been that I have continued my workouts. I haven’t stopped exercising throughout this process. And it certainly was helping me stay focused and motivated. Upon further examination I found that not only did I hit my corona wall (LOL, again), I am desperately waiting to get back to visit friends/family in the States (and travel anywhere in general), but even more so, I think I figured out what it was.


As a personal trainer I not only build and implement training programs and protocols for my clients, but I ask questions, I build a rapport, and i provide a shoulder and safe space for my clients to let loose and talk. I simply wasn’t allowing for enough room within my day to have my own outlet. I was physically releasing my stress, anxieties, and moving my body to increase chemical reactions for a better lifestyle, but I wasn’t talking and doing my own sharing. 6, 7, and sometimes up to 10 hours a day of listening to other peoples lives is super incredible. I take pride in that. But I need to balance that.


So long story short, thank you for listening. Thank you for being my shoulder as I continue to learn how to adjust my life to my new lifestyle. And more importantly, thank you for being my own creative outlet that I never new I needed.


America, stay safe and warm! Israel, keep staying sunny and perfect winter weather. Everyone, go get vaccinated.


Xoxo sending love from TLV

JMW


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@kikardizengoff



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