Trying to not count the minutes, days, years...

After a loss, I think it may be close to impossible to not live each day counting. Counting how many days you've managed to wake up without the same familiar person nearby. How many weeks you've gone without hearing that laugh or voice. How many holidays have gone by without their physical presence even if a spiritual one may be in attendance. How many birthdays and milestone moments have passed by without hearing their praise, support, hesitation for the unknown, or simply a hug, a kiss, or a wave.

I mention these thoughts because today is Thanksgiving. This will be the third Thanksgiving without my mom's presence. But even more challenging, Sunday night will mark the beginning of her yartzheit. While I only get to celebrate this year with a part of my family, being together with family is truly a blessing. Family is complicated. Family stands for something thicker than blood. And I am fortunate that the word family can include so many.

From the day to day, I have stopped the counting. I am simply back to living my life. The mornings come, I get up, I do my thing, night falls, and back in bed ready to start all over again the next day. The holidays I will always be a sign of what is missing for me. Hopefully, one day I will cease to count. I will just be present. Accepting the reality of what is, enjoy the presence of those around the table, and simply just be.

However, this Thanksgiving I am reminded of something that is bigger than my story. Bigger than my journey, my struggles, my hardships. This year five of my friends, my age, were faced with the loss of a parent. Each has his or her own story. Each now has his or her own struggles. Their tables are little more quiet this year than in years past. This year, I want to take time to acknowledge everyone who is counting. For those that are still counting days, or weeks, or months, I know it's not easy. I don't believe it will ever get easier, I think we just learn how to manage the pain and sadness and emptiness differently with each year.

Ill never forget the conversation I had with a dear family friend, I believe it was after the first Rosh Hashana holiday without my mom. I looked my mom's friend in the eyes and asked, "when do you stop counting, do you ever stop counting?" With a very honest answer, she responded with, "I don't count anymore. I haven't counted for a long time. To me, the number isn't important." I am trying to not count because it's true. The numbers don't bring help. They can't bring anyone back, or lessen the hurt. I think it's a coping mechanism that we all deal with. And it's learning how to retrain our minds to simply living and being and existing in a world where they are no longer.

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. We never remember them, let alone achieve them. I do believe in goal setting. In making lifestyle changes. In starting small, trying something new for 30 days, and seeing how we feel, reevaluating, making the necessary changes, and continuing on the journey. I have done a really good job of letting my friends know how much I appreciate them, showing them that value, and living up to what it means to be a good friend. One area that I have struggled with is being a good friend to my closest people. It's easiest to to hide from those that you love the most. My goal for the next 30 days is to show, behave, and share my love and appreciation for my Dad, my sisters, and those that are my people.

I urge you to choose one area of life to improve over the next 30 days. See how it goes. Make adjustments. And try again. Keep growing. Keep changing. These are the numbers I don't mind counting. Share your love and appreciation with your people today and everyday.

Sending you all my love. Happy Thanksgiving. May we all be loved, give love, and allow love to find us.

Jordi

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